Randy Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Google Bobby Metzinger. Impressed? You should be. 88,900 results with one click of a button. Are you feeling lucky? Boom. His twitter page, where to the delight of his 608 devout followers he tweets philosophic gems like "Magnets, Still don't know how they work." or "@TheQuarterBar had a great time; Victor took care of us! We'll be back!" Both impressive and thought provoking. One tweet however, he should have never shared. Enter Dwight Evans. Dwight was surfing the web and trying to find a new reason to live when he stumbled upon a profile on bleacherreport.com: Bobby Metzinger. "Saint Louis U. grad, former sports reporter at the Peoria Journal Star. Working in p.r. right now but would love to get back to sports writing or comic writing. Dream job would be writing for SNL or Sports Illustrated." ME TOO!! Dwight giggled in excitement. Bobby's Achievements and Awards: (0) -Bobby does not have any awards. Bobby's Communities: (0) -Bobby is not a member of any community. ME THREE! Dwight blurted out in pure jubilation. Instantly following him on twitter. The first tweet he got was "Anyone in #Dallas a skier? Have a cousin in Park City that wants me to visit soon. Anyone want to tag along?" A bold question. One that would eventually lead to the demise of the billiken program as we know it. Dwight was a simple man. He loved skiing, feet, neon signs, Ruben Studdard, and useless knowledge. His life was going no where when he received Bobby's tweet, "Anyone want to tag along?" He had him listed as a "bro" on his twitter favorites list and got a Text, E-mail, Direct message, and kick in the testicles each time Metz tweeted. He lived and died by the words Bobby could pump out in 140 characters or less. Dwight needed to get to that ski trip. He tweeted back, "My main man Bobby! You know I'm in! LOLZ! Hit me up!" and waited patiently for the reply. Bobby and Dwight shared a special bond. Dwight knew it was there, he just had to somehow get in contact with Bobby ONE time and he knew sparks would fly. Dwight was a loser who often looked at knives and wondered how deep they could cut. That was until he stumbled upon a man who he could believe in. A man who had the world by the ONIONS! and was not letting go, no matter how average his articles were or how poorly he played in rec-league basketball games. He was standing on a chair with a rope tied around his neck telling himself he would wait 3 more minutes for a reply or he was just going to end it all. No point in living if a guy with zero awards on bleacherreport.com wouldn't even respond. 3...2....1....TEXT, DM, E-Mail, Kick in the testicles .... "Yah man, you are welcome to join. Meet me at my place and we will all ride together. Tweet." -Bobby. YESSS! Dwight proclaimed. He saddled up his belongings and headed to Bobby's. This was going to be the best ski trip ever. Maybe they could even share a bunk, or better yet, their lives. Dwight pulled into the driveway and parked strategically so as not to block in Metz's Kia Sportage. Bobby came out in full camo gear with an American bandanna wrapped around his oversized head. "Hey man, glad you could join us, we just gotta wait for one more guy and we will head to Park City." Who could this other man be? Dwight had thought this was going to be a full fledged bro-mance! He had no idea there was going to be a third wheel intruding on his Bobby time! Just as he finished this thought a Buick Regal pulled into the driveway. Enter Guy Phillips. "How is everyone doing today? Are you Rrrrr-eady for some skiing? Hi I'm Guy Phillips." Dwights dreams came crashing down. He couldn't let Bobby see his frustration, he didn't want to ruin the whole Park City experience. They drove. In zero silence because Guy told old war stories the entire trip. Guy was never in the war. It was an intolerable ride. They reached base camp at around midnight and everyone was tired. They each had a room and were going to crash for the night to get plenty of rest for the snow filled day ahead. Needing to feed his inner drunkard, Guy decided to head to the bar for a few night-cappers and Bobby agreed to tag along. This was the opportunity Dwight was looking for. A chance to finally show Bobby his true feelings, to give him a night he would never forget. Dwight broke into Bobby's room, stripped down and lit some very romantic Yankee candles. French Vanilla. The scent stung the nostrils. He had a little Boyz to Men playing faintly in the background, flower peddles were everywhere. The mood was set. He heard footsteps coming down the hall. Immediately he turned off the lights and got into a human-centipede type position. The handle turned, door opened and the light flicked on.... There Guy Phillips stood, Speechless, for the first time ever. Dwight had gone to the wrong room. Not sure what to do he did the first thing that popped into his brain. He jumped through window. Had Dwight remembered he was on the 7th floor of a hotel he probably would have thought twice about the window idea, but thats hindsight my friends. To this day the thought of a naked Dwight Evans haunts Guy Phillips. Sometimes you can hear him yell "Dwight Evans" at Saint Louis men's basketball games and his face will instantly turn a pale white. He has nervous breakdowns each time a Boyz to Men song graces the airwaves and hyperventilates each time he smells french vanilla. Each day though, is better than the last. So the next time you snicker at Guy when he messes up, blame Bobby Metzinger. If he had any achievements or awards on bleacherreport.com this could have all been avoided. -Randy- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimbofive Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Google Bobby Metzinger. Impressed? You should be. 88,900 results with one click of a button. Are you feeling lucky? Boom. His twitter page, where to the delight of his 608 devout followers he tweets philosophic gems like "Magnets, Still don't know how they work." or "@TheQuarterBar had a great time; Victor took care of us! We'll be back!" Both impressive and thought provoking. One tweet however, he should have never shared. Enter Dwight Evans. Dwight was surfing the web and trying to find a new reason to live when he stumbled upon a profile on bleacherreport.com: Bobby Metzinger. "Saint Louis U. grad, former sports reporter at the Peoria Journal Star. Working in p.r. right now but would love to get back to sports writing or comic writing. Dream job would be writing for SNL or Sports Illustrated." ME TOO!! Dwight giggled in excitement. Bobby's Achievements and Awards: (0) -Bobby does not have any awards. Bobby's Communities: (0) -Bobby is not a member of any community. ME THREE! Dwight blurted out in pure jubilation. Instantly following him on twitter. The first tweet he got was "Anyone in #Dallas a skier? Have a cousin in Park City that wants me to visit soon. Anyone want to tag along?" A bold question. One that would eventually lead to the demise of the billiken program as we know it. Dwight was a simple man. He loved skiing, feet, neon signs, Ruben Studdard, and useless knowledge. His life was going no where when he received Bobby's tweet, "Anyone want to tag along?" He had him listed as a "bro" on his twitter favorites list and got a Text, E-mail, Direct message, and kick in the testicles each time Metz tweeted. He lived and died by the words Bobby could pump out in 140 characters or less. Dwight needed to get to that ski trip. He tweeted back, "My main man Bobby! You know I'm in! LOLZ! Hit me up!" and waited patiently for the reply. Bobby and Dwight shared a special bond. Dwight knew it was there, he just had to somehow get in contact with Bobby ONE time and he knew sparks would fly. Dwight was a loser who often looked at knives and wondered how deep they could cut. That was until he stumbled upon a man who he could believe in. A man who had the world by the ONIONS! and was not letting go, no matter how average his articles were or how poorly he played in rec-league basketball games. He was standing on a chair with a rope tied around his neck telling himself he would wait 3 more minutes for a reply or he was just going to end it all. No point in living if a guy with zero awards on bleacherreport.com wouldn't even respond. 3...2....1....TEXT, DM, E-Mail, Kick in the testicles .... "Yah man, you are welcome to join. Meet me at my place and we will all ride together. Tweet." -Bobby. YESSS! Dwight proclaimed. He saddled up his belongings and headed to Bobby's. This was going to be the best ski trip ever. Maybe they could even share a bunk, or better yet, their lives. Dwight pulled into the driveway and parked strategically so as not to block in Metz's Kia Sportage. Bobby came out in full camo gear with an American bandanna wrapped around his oversized head. "Hey man, glad you could join us, we just gotta wait for one more guy and we will head to Park City." Who could this other man be? Dwight had thought this was going to be a full fledged bro-mance! He had no idea there was going to be a third wheel intruding on his Bobby time! Just as he finished this thought a Buick Regal pulled into the driveway. Enter Guy Phillips. "How is everyone doing today? Are you Rrrrr-eady for some skiing? Hi I'm Guy Phillips." Dwights dreams came crashing down. He couldn't let Bobby see his frustration, he didn't want to ruin the whole Park City experience. They drove. In zero silence because Guy told old war stories the entire trip. Guy was never in the war. It was an intolerable ride. They reached base camp at around midnight and everyone was tired. They each had a room and were going to crash for the night to get plenty of rest for the snow filled day ahead. Needing to feed his inner drunkard, Guy decided to head to the bar for a few night-cappers and Bobby agreed to tag along. This was the opportunity Dwight was looking for. A chance to finally show Bobby his true feelings, to give him a night he would never forget. Dwight broke into Bobby's room, stripped down and lit some very romantic Yankee candles. French Vanilla. The scent stung the nostrils. He had a little Boyz to Men playing faintly in the background, flower peddles were everywhere. The mood was set. He heard footsteps coming down the hall. Immediately he turned off the lights and got into a human-centipede type position. The handle turned, door opened and the light flicked on.... There Guy Phillips stood, Speechless, for the first time ever. Dwight had gone to the wrong room. Not sure what to do he did the first thing that popped into his brain. He jumped through window. Had Dwight remembered he was on the 7th floor of a hotel he probably would have thought twice about the window idea, but thats hindsight my friends. To this day the thought of a naked Dwight Evans haunts Guy Phillips. Sometimes you can hear him yell "Dwight Evans" at Saint Louis men's basketball games and his face will instantly turn a pale white. He has nervous breakdowns each time a Boyz to Men song graces the airwaves and hyperventilates each time he smells french vanilla. Each day though, is better than the last. So the next time you snicker at Guy when he messes up, blame Bobby Metzinger. If he had any achievements or awards on bleacherreport.com this could have all been avoided. -Randy- terrible. awash with mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HusakAttack Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 bravo once again Randy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taj79 Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 blah-blah-blah ...... How to impress friends this is not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HusakAttack Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 blah-blah-blah ...... How to impress friends this is not. did yoda hack into this account? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billiken_roy Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 i dont know taj. i think randy is amusing. not like anyone else is really keeping us entertained at billikens.com these days. i say go for it randy. keep writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billsrmajic Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Perhaps I'm missing something, but it appears Randy makes up stupid sh$t about people in an effort to belittle them. Sounds like a bully to me. Let's talk hoops. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billiken_roy Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Perhaps I'm missing something, but it appears Randy makes up stupid sh$t about people in an effort to belittle them. Sounds like a bully to me. Let's talk hoops. it's a joke. presented as such imo. lighten up francis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BACKHANDtheRICAN Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Perhaps I'm missing something, but it appears Randy makes up stupid sh$t about people in an effort to belittle them. Sounds like a bully to me. Let's talk hoops. That he does. But the stories are well thought out and creative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbizzle09 Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 That he does. But the stories are well thought out and creative. Agreed. He is quite creative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Metzinger Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Haha that's actually pretty funny. Doffing my cap to you, sir. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Haha that's actually pretty funny. Doffing my cap to you, sir. Thank you sir. I am glad you have a sense of humor and appreciate the cap doffing. I wish 05 would have taken it a little better.. but I think I may have ticked him off when I revealed how he does CE's laundry.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Metzinger Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 You've got to be able to laugh at yourself every now and again! God bless ya, Randy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billikenfan05 Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Thank you sir. I am glad you have a sense of humor and appreciate the cap doffing. I wish 05 would have taken it a little better.. but I think I may have ticked him off when I revealed how he does CE's laundry.. I was pissed off because the whole thing was made up including this stupid post. It may have been a joke but the whole thing was malicious. I don't like being portrayed as someone who would tell a girl to "take one for the team". You are a dick plain and simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Metzinger Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I was pissed off because the whole thing was made up including this stupid post. It may have been a joke but the whole thing was malicious. I don't like being portrayed as someone who would tell a girl to "take one for the team". You are a dick plain and simple. Actually, the stuff about me is true, 05. haha that sucks about your story though. It's just interesting to see what other people do to waste time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billikenfan05 Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Actually, the stuff about me is true, 05. haha that sucks about your story though. It's just interesting to see what other people do to waste time.I was referring to his reply. When he mentions me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Band Legend Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I was pissed off because the whole thing was made up including this stupid post. It may have been a joke but the whole thing was malicious. I don't like being portrayed as someone who would tell a girl to "take one for the team". You are a dick plain and simple. Lighten up, Francis! Randy, feel free to write malicious crap about me any time. You have a future in creative writing, son. By that I mean you can do it for free on internet message boards; don't forget about lining up gainful employment in another field that pays actual money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARon Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Randy will soon be too busy to write, given that he's clearly working towards a starring role in Mean Girls 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 LEAVE 05 ALONE! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillikenROAR Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Billiken05- Get your swagg back dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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